In the epoch of social media and Big Tech, finely attuned and commercially harnessed to that aspect of human nature that seeks approval, it is sometimes difficult not to find oneself in the ‘diagnosis’ game.
A certain amount of self-regard is both necessary and healthy. Without it we would not risk exploring the world, our personal and professional potential, or attempt to navigate the pitfall-strewn path that leads from knowing a person, to relating to them, to becoming intimate with them, for example.
But in excess, the need for attention and adoration can significantly impair an individual’s day-to-day functioning. For some, it can lead them to engage in intrusive and threatening behaviour toward others, whether former intimates, work colleagues, public-figures, or those with whom they come into frequent contact.
Ask anyone to describe a narcissist and it is likely that traits resembling the core diagnostic criteria for 2Narcissistic Personality Disorder [NPD] might be suggested: grandiosity; a preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love; a belief that he or she is somehow “special”; a need for admiration; lack of empathy; envy of others; being entitled, exploitative and arrogant, all conjure an image of what might be perceived as the ‘archetype’.
An overabundance of narcissistic personality traits can often present as one of the causes of risky behaviour in Theseus casework, some individuals appearing as just the grandiose or “overt” type 3 suggested by the diagnostic criteria. One context in which narcissism often features, in our caseload at least, is in relation to sexual intimacy: the desire for it; the refusal of it; the loss of it. And frequently in a workplace setting.
In one such case, the reaction of a young executive, confronted by the fallout of his repeated and expectant sexual advances at work could be characterised, “Have you seen her? I mean really looked at her? Now look at me. How could you think I would even be seen in public with her, let alone want a relationship with her?!”
Online reputational threats, designed to belittle a victim, are often a feature of cases in which entitled sexual advances are rebuffed. And while it is quite normal to feel a sense of ignominy at the decision by a partner to end a relationship, it is felt more acutely in those with narcissistic personality traits, in our caseload often leading to the persistent intrusion that typifies behaviour described in rejected stalker 4 case studies.
This is because such individuals can feel rejected in a manner which is psychically intolerable, so they act in order to correct this and achieve some form of equilibrium. But for them, equilibrium is being superior, and their sense of injustice is such that responses can be both extreme and persistent.
But it would be wrong to think the outwardly confident, ‘thick-skinned’ overt type is the only way in which narcissism presents itself. The disorder includes a broader range of individuals who meet the diagnostic criteria, yet in contrast appear as vulnerable, hypersensitive and shy, occasionally to the point of being socially isolated. This, in part at least, is because the need for attention and adoration can often stem from underlying anxiety, for which feelings of superiority again act as compensation.
Actually, this shy or “covert” type, as self-absorbed and maintaining equally grandiose notions of their looks, abilities or intellect as the overt, occur at least as frequently in the Theseus caseload.
We repeatedly assess risk in situations where individuals with a long history of being unable to remain in steady employment, for example – ‘employers not having sufficiently recognised the singularly exceptional person in their presence’ – or to maintain normally functioning social relationships, find themselves intruding on public figures and brands they view as commensurate with their assumed status.
Individuals with an excess of narcissistic traits can fluctuate between these outwardly confident and withdrawn states, in line with changes in their personal fortunes, but what links these sub-types is a fragile or ‘brittle’ sense of self.
Maintaining a view of oneself as remarkable is problematic, the danger being that one is confronted, in other people, by qualities one does not possess. For this reason, the overt narcissist can tend to maintain skin-deep or superficial relationships with people who reinforce that grandiose sense of self, while the shy covert type simply withdraws, revealing grandiosity and entitlement in their quest for recognition or special treatment.
Prevalence of the disorder in the UK general population has been subject to little systematic study, but the best available studies in the US suggest an overall prevalence there of 6.2%, with rates higher in men (7.7%) than in women (4.8%)5. Being male, younger, and single are risk factors for NPD 6.
But we live in a time that prizes the individual narrative over that of community, when celebrity, in and of itself, is viewed by many as both a worthy and attainable goal. It is reasonable to think this may be creating an ecological niche7 in which narcissism is likely to thrive.
